Lifestyle

5 Places To Find A Significant Other Before Valentine’s Day

Don't spend your Valentine's Day alone!

Sturgis Municipal Airport

007902

Watch out Paris, South Dakota is up and coming as the next romance capital of the world! Buy your love interest the only copy of Motortrend left at the magazine kiosk and get to know each other as you wait in line for your cavity searches.

Cornfield from Children Of The Corn

11739909

Nothing says love at first sight like trying to run away from brainwashed Midwestern children that want to sacrifice your body to their demonic overlord.

Modern Day Opium Den

U5driWnwM4dQA6z7V1EgnE76dR6sPWn_1680x8400

Crack houses aren’t what they used to be and Fentanyl is making a major comeback this season. Get cozy together underneath some shoddy rat-turd-covered blankets and plan your next nursing home Oxycontin heist.

Vending Machine Room B – 27th Floor, Willis Tower

184653819

Legend has it that this vending machine room has a better success rate than Craiglist casual encounters. Buy a bag of Andy Capp’s and an RC Cola like the weirdo you are and try to flirt it up with other white collar zombies stuck in their trajectory-less death spiraling accounting careers.

Akron

AKRON

This shit suburb of the shit capital of the world (Cleveland) has the highest number of tinder accounts per square mile. It’s all a numbers game, folks. If you’re looking for date ideas try out the Akron Art Museum which pretty much only features blown up murals of LeBron James poster dunks.

0 comments on “5 Places To Find A Significant Other Before Valentine’s Day

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: