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Teenage Bitcoin Millionaire Buys Mountain Dew Bottling Plant; Tells Parents To “Suck It”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Brody McTodd, a 14 year-old local Bitcoin millionaire, has purchased a Mountain Dew bottling plant from PepsiCo. He says he made his purchase because he wanted his parents to “suck it”.

Brody began mining Bitcoin on his super sick Alienware gaming desktop that his parents bought his ungrateful ass as a 12th birthday present. He has been mining Bitcoin on it ever since and has amassed a fortune of over $150 million at current Bitcoin prices.

“I just friggen love Mountain Dew, ya know? I like drinking it and my mom always says I can’t. So I bought this bottling plant so nobody can tell me how much friggen Dew to drink. Suck it mom and dad!” responded Brody when asked to explain the motivation for his purchase.

Brody’s purchase comes as part of a string of absurd transactions made by seemingly undeserving Bitcoin millionaires. Last month, a Colorado man purchased an Olympic swimming pool filled with chocolate pudding. He was found dead in it the next morning in the only documented pudding drowning in history.

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