ATLANTA, GA — Recent reports have surfaced that Minnesota Vikings first-string quarterback Case Keenum will lose his starting spot to Teddy Bridgewater for today’s matchup against the Atlanta Falcons after being abandoned in baggage claim three at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport.
One may wonder, how does a man get lost in the baggage claim of an airport? According to anonymous sources from within the organization, Case has the unique ability to change into Suitcase Keenum – his compartmentalized evil alter ego.
This powerful gift can also be a crippling curse due to Keenum’s inability to control when and where he transforms. Although it has never affected his play on the field until now, this oddity has at times tainted his personal life.
“We’ve talked about trying to have kids for awhile, but it makes me a bit uneasy knowing my unborn child could potentially turn into a piece of Samsonite luggage at any given moment,” sighed Keenum’s wife Kimberly.
At game time, the exact whereabouts of Suitcase are still unknown but Vikings officials are hopeful they’ll find their quarterback by next Sunday so they can carry-on winning.