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Loafer of Group Project Thinks it Looks Great, Guys!

"I'm busy tonight but will FOR SURE add my stuff in tomorrow morning."

It’s been reported that after nearly three months of consciously avoiding his disproportionately low share of a group project, Trevor Puetz, area slacker of all things and serial disappointment, thinks it looks great, guys!

The group, who presents in class tomorrow, expressed that this was the first they’ve heard from Puetz in two weeks.

This, to no one’s surprise, isn’t an irregularity.  Since the occurrence, a number of Puetz’s past group-mates have come forward and voiced similar complaints about his habitual slacking.  In fact, we’ve been able to boil down his behavior into a precise timeline of how he operates in collaborative situations.


Week 1: The group meets each other for the first time.  Puetz volunteers to set up the group message like he’s Jesus Christ.

Week 4:  The group meets outside of class.  Puetz messages the group three minutes into the meeting that he’s running a little late but will be there ASAP! Upon arrival, brutally hungover Puetz–who’s sporting a flannel and sweats–cracks a few self-deprecating jokes then doesn’t speak for the next 12 minutes.  He finds a lull to regretfully inform the group he’s gotta dip out early.  Puetz, a martyr, volunteers to take the introduction and conclusion slide while wrapping up his computer charger.

Week 7: There is a midterm the following day.  Although it doesn’t pertain to the project, Puetz inquires if anyone could help a guy out and share their study guide lol.

Week 11: The group plans to meet a second time.  All of those proposed times don’t really work for Puetz, though.  He’ll be house-sitting that weekend, or visiting home or working late at Walgreens or house-sitting for his home Walgreens.  He suggests that someone just fill him in afterwards.

Week 13 [day before the group presents]: “Hey, the project looks great, guys!  I’m busy tonight but will FOR SURE add my stuff in tomorrow morning.”

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Four other groups mentioned they also got this message verbatim.


How tomorrow’s presentation will go is an unknown, but what is certain is that Puetz will finally touch his two slides an hour-and-a-half before presenting, show up woefully under-dressed, and say in retrospect that it all went pretty good, not learning a goddamn thing from this experience.

In response, Puetz stated “It’s not that I don’t like beer it’s just that if I had the option of drinking a mixie I’d probably do that.  Get’s you more wasted quicker.  Win win.” He clearly thought this was about something entirely different.

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