dad riding toro lawn mower adjusting his deck
Local News

Local Dad Raises Lawnmower Deck Height 

October's biggest story.

Des Moines, IA – Some big changes have come to the Des Moines suburbs this afternoon – none more captivating than 52-year-old Paul Dietrich raising the deck height on his Toro Timecutter SS5000 zero-turn lawnmower.

In the hours to follow, every lawn-artist in the entire cul-de-sac was spotted in their garage tweaking their decks to follow suit.

“Wow. I mean wow. It’s only October 4th and Paul is already raising his deck half an inch? It’s a bold move for sure, but he’s always been a turf innovator in this neighborhood. His clipping dispersion is flawless and don’t even get me started on those perfect lines. I’ve just never been able to get my deck to that sweet spot,” added awestruck neighbor Jack Eurle.

“I figured with the fewer hours of daylight we’ve had along with a higher concentration of methane in the air due to an increasing amount of livestock flatulence in Polk County, the blades of the grass will grow more perpendicularly than the semi-obtuse blade angles of the summer months,” retorted Dietrich as he cleaned grass stains off his New Balances with 409 and paper towels.

“Increased perpendicular growth allows for thicker and taller blades. This, in turn, requires a higher deck height to allow a taller earth-to-blade gap which is necessary to increase the centrifugal force that allows for more efficient distribution of severed grass across my lawn. Less surface area of dead grass covering live blades will only promote photosynthesis for continuous healthy growth and an elongated period of green turf.”

Paul insists that his only secret to success is a lot of elbow grease and a solid Springsteen vinyl collection.

It’s clear, however, that he is a very gifted individual with a crafty business mind as well. Numerous sources from within the neighborhood have confirmed that Dietrich is planning to host a tables, ladders, and chairs no-holds-barred wrestling match in the cul-de-sac between the chief marketing officers of Toro and John Deere. The winner takes home a signed contract from Dietrich for a 5-year celebrity endorsement deal.

0 comments on “Local Dad Raises Lawnmower Deck Height 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: