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Silver Lining: At Least Charlie Villaneuva is Always Smooth Down There

Talk about glass half full.

Dallas, TX—Talk about glass half full.

Charlie Villanueva is many things–an NBA all-star, a victim of hair-preventing auto-immune disease alopecia, an insatiable headware collector–but one thing he is not, is a pessimist.  Last week, faux real traveled down to the Dallas suburbs to catch a glimpse of Villanueva’s life after basketball, and what we got in return gave us the chills and made our hair stand on end.  All but one of us, that is.

For those who aren’t aware of alopecia, it is a rare, non-threatening disease that stifles one’s ability to grow hair.  Throughout his career, Villanueva has received a fair amount of harassment for his condition, the most notorious case being Kevin Garnett referring to him as a ‘cancer patient’.

“It hasn’t always been easy living with my condition.  There are days when people shout terrible things at me when I walk down the street.  When I played for Detroit, one guy yelled ‘Hey Shiny, your assist-to-eyebrow ratio is shit to 0! Christ, with that natural swim cap you’d be better in the pool!’  Just downright mean things.  It’s easy to get down on yourself”.

But Charlie Villanueva has done just the opposite.  He is a legend with no leg hedge.  A phenomenon without a melon lawn.  A debonair not-a-hair.   A guy with alopecia.  At the end of the interview, Villanueva summed up his hard fought battle with the disease while walking us out:

“Hey, such is life.  And at least I’m completely smooth down there!  Well, see ya!”

It just goes to show, we all got our own metaphorical hairless auto-immune disease, but maybe, just maybe, we should be thanking our lucky stars for our naturally bald genitals.  Unless you prefer pubes.  In which case, you’re plucked.


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