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Fifth Grade Band Student Fucking Sucks At Trombone

Needless to say, it has been an absolute shit show.

BISMARCK, ND — Sources from within Highland Acres Elementary school have confirmed that 11-year-old Daniel Dinndorf fucking sucks at the trombone.

Despite his protests, Daniel was signed up for beginner band this summer by his mother. Because he failed so miserably at creating anything that came close to resembling a musical note on any other instrument, he was assigned to the trombone.

Needless to say, it has been an absolute shit show.

There have already been multiple in-concert mishaps where Daniel has leaked his slide spit all over the hair of sixth-grade clarinetist Samantha Perkins during the intro to “Sweet Caroline”.

“Forget my granddaughter’s hair, she’ll be fine. What really bothers me is how that little shit managed to fuck up Neil Diamond. I didn’t drive 45 minutes from Wilton to sit in this filthy cafeteria and hear this trash” commented 68-year-old Lester Perkins.

The pathetic fifth grader also consistently screws up the entire elementary school band’s rendition of “All Star” by Smashmouth with his loud fart-sounding piece of brass.

“The bassline of All Star is like three notes but I cut it down to two for Daniel’s sake. The kid literally cannot successfully move his worthless arm down one inch from a B to a G note. It’s been a long summer” sighed band instructor Frank Gerhart.

 

 

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