The council has decided to raise the minimum wage to a livable $13 per hour to sufficiently please advocates of the hike while not forcing small business owners to break the bank on payroll.
But wait, the deal gets even sweeter. The council has also worked tirelessly in partnership with Minnesota farmers to provide one pasture-raised chicken per week to minimum wage laborers across the city.
“We figured since people are always talking about not being able to make a living wage to feed their families, we’d cut straight to the point. Plus who doesn’t love chicken? And we’re supporting our local farmers! Pretty cool, huh?” replied Council Vice President Elizabeth Glidden.
Although wages will gradually increase over a four-year period, the tasty fowl will start feeding all minimum-wage mouths as soon as September 1st, 2017. The first community of workers to receive chickens and personal butcher sets will be the Marcy Holmes/Dinkytown area. University of Minnesota students are elated.
“Man, this could not be better timing! We already have a cook in-house preparing our meals so we’re just gonna stockpile the chickens in the basement and use them for all kinds of hazing. Such a versatile animal.” commented Delta Iota Kappa Director of Recruitment Brody Davidson.
There has also been an extensive argument over how restaurants should pay employees that are also receiving tips on the job. The council has decided that these individuals are an exception. Along with their weekly hens, waiters and waitresses will receive $11 per hour wages and a carton of cage-free eggs for every 20 hours of labor.