CHICAGO, IL — “Hey Crystal! Haul in some big cash tonight?” shouted Doug Harold as he gave a greasy high five to the naked 20-something stripper walking past the hot dog buffet.
“My wife thinks I’m over at my buddy Kirk’s house playing Magic the Gathering and having a few brewskis” commented the balding 35-year-old as he stuffed his face with a microwaved Oscar Meyer. “but these weiners are way better.”
Despite having spent hours every weekend at the Boobie Bungalow, Harold insists he has no interest in the dancers themselves.
“Listen, I’m happily married so why would I blow extra cash on the actual strippers here? I did a little number crunching, and if stopped by Sonic I’d only be able to get like ten hot dogs for the same price as the cover charge here. Why not just stop into the Bungalow and throw back 15-20 of these puppies?!”
Although Harold has taken no interest in the erotic element of the club, the dancers themselves have found him to be quite interesting.
“I’ve never seen a man that has thoroughly enjoyed processed meat more than a pair of tits in his face. It’s sort of a challenge for us at this point. We have a pool of cash up at about $500 dollars so far. The first dancer to get Doug to buy a lap dance takes it all.” responded 27-year-old Serenity.
“We’ve tried every trick in the book, but this guy is fucking unbreakable. Last weekend I wore a thong made out of hot dogs and smothered myself in ketchup and he wouldn’t throw a single dollar.” sighed Crystal.
“CRYSTAL! Can we get some more relish over here STAT?! Thanks!” yelled Harold as he smothered condiments onto another juicy frank.