Clinton Blames Election Loss On Zodiac Sign

After somehow managing to lose the 2016 presidential election to a neanderthal with daddy issues, candidate Hillary Clinton has started to re-emerge into the public eye.

In a recent interview at the Women for Women International forum, Clinton claimed to take “absolute personal responsibility” for her election loss before matter-of-factly referring to her “unfortunate horoscope reading the morning of the election.”


“You know, I’ve faced many challenges throughout my life but none have been more difficult to overcome than being a Scorpio. As we all know, one of the strongest qualities of a Scorpio is their hatred of dishonesty. I just cannot stand a liar, so seeing everything that Donald has lied to the American people about thus far, it makes me wish a straight arrow like myself could be holding the reigns.” recited the former First Lady with a louder-than-normal sigh.

Clinton also added during the interview that “If the election were on October 27th, I’d be your president. My horoscope was great that day, not to mention the stellar fortune I got out of my cookie at Leann Chin. ”


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