Mike Pence Spends Entire Day Off Perusing Last 100 Years of D.C. Zoning Legislation


Rather than hanging around his family or playing a relaxing round of golf, newly elected Vice President Mike Pence has chosen to spend his day off at the DC Office of Zoning.

“If you look back through the last century these documents are really quite thrilling.” commented a glowing Pence as he held up the Lewis Plan of 1956 “This one really changed the game; parking restrictions here were never the same past the summer of ’56.”

After flipping through the Home Rule Act of 1973, Pence dug into his packed lunch of hard boiled eggs, celery, and saltine crackers as he tried to discern which district has had the most efficient average floor area ratio in the last century.

“Karen always packs me the best lunch. Ooh, look she put some paprika on my egg! After 31 years of strait-laced marriage, she sure knows how to spice things up. Maybe this means I’ll get to try something other than missionary this month!” responded the VP with a pathetically eager smile as fragments of stale saltine fell out of his mouth.

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