Local Man Visits Strip Club Solely For Free Hot Dogs

CHICAGO, IL — “Hey Crystal! Haul in some big cash tonight?” shouted Doug Harold as he gave a greasy high five to the naked 20-something stripper walking past the hot dog buffet. “My wife thinks I’m over at my buddy Kirk’s house playing Magic the Gathering and having a few brewskis” commented the balding 35-year-old…

Clinton Blames Election Loss On Zodiac Sign

After somehow managing to lose the 2016 presidential election to a neanderthal with daddy issues, candidate Hillary Clinton has started to re-emerge into the public eye. In a recent interview at the Women for Women International forum, Clinton claimed to take “absolute personal responsibility” for her election loss before matter-of-factly referring to her “unfortunate horoscope reading…